So far, I really love this little ‘venting’ place. Of course, it has only been here two days, and even if no one ever darkens these corners of cyberspace, I don’t mind- because I just needed a place to be able to write what I feel, even when it isn’t cheery or upbeat. After all, we all need to have a little verbal vomit from time to time don’t we? (I know, charming thought isn’t it?)

Today has been a good day- I went bike riding with Marcel for an hour (we stopped half way for coffee) in 40mph winds, so what generally is an easy ride for me, actually turned into a cardio exercise, and while it wasn’t the most pleasant thing while I was doing it, it burned some extra calories and that is what it’s all about- calories in -vs- calories burned.

As of yesterday, I’ve also changed my elliptical work out once again- I usually vary it between three different settings, but one of those was getting to be too easy for me, so I now am using the top two and ‘running’ the entire time, which is a definite difference than what I was doing. The extra bit of resistance and the fact that I’m trying to keep it above a 6.5 mph ‘run’ is making a huge difference in the way I feel, and hopefully it will eventually make a difference on the scale.

I know I need to be doing more- but I’ll admit, it’s difficult when the only person pushing you, is you!

Marcel knows someone he works with who owns a small gym, and he was telling me that the guy worked as a personal trainer for some lady who works in the work cafe, and that she’s lost alot of weight. He’s going to ask the guy if he has time if he’d be willing to be my personal trainer several times in a week. It’s not that I don’t know what to do, but I really NEED someone to push me beyond the limits that I’ve set for myself, and I know that Marcel will never be the one to do that- it isn’t in him.

There are days when I control the food- and other days when I would almost bet that the food is controling me. It’s those days when I am the most frustrated at EVERYTHING and EVERYONE who happens in my path.

This journey isn’t easy- and anyone who says it is, is a liar- plain and simple.

It’s not JUST about making healthy choices, and exercising- in fact, I would say it’s more a mind factor than anything else, and that is the part that sometimes makes me feel like I’m losing my mind.

In addition to eating right and exercising- I also need to make sure that I eat enough of certain things, such as protein to make sure that it helps with building lean muscle mass- plus I need to make sure that I get enough sleep- I also need to make sure that my stress levels stay in check- – – all factors which play a part in whether the scales move downward.

I won’t lie- sometimes it’s maddening. Most of the time it isn’t, but sometimes it is.. just when I think I’ve completely reprogrammed my way of thinking, I find out that I’m wrong.

I’ll get there though- I know I will.